I don’t usually blog to whine or complain (I could’ve stopped that sentence at “blog” and also been right), but this is all just one big calamity that must be shared:

I wanted to take advantage of my free UAH perks, so I planned on hitting up the gym a couple months ago to get back in shape. I scheduled times on my calendar and everything.

Then I broke my collarbone.

Two months later, my collarbone is pretty much healed, so I figured I’d start running this weekend. I spent a LOT of money buying the best running shoes I could yesterday. (Fleet Feet treats their customers incredibly well, by the way)

A couple hours later, I have a skateboarding accident that bruises the bottoms of both my feet.

Now, I can barely walk. Seriously, I’m scooting around my house in a roll-y chair (thank God we have hardwood floors). It sucks. My brand new shoes are still in the box.

It’s almost like the man upstairs doesn’t want me to exercise.

“Oh, you like nicknames, huh?” my boss asked. “I’ll give you nicknames, then!” For the rest of my tenure as my High School SGA Treasurer, I got a new title every weekday. The enumerated list of monetarily-related names is as follows:

The Treasurer
Gold Shanks
Silver Chops
Money Penny
Changepurse Joe
Cash-stache
Two-bit, Two Shoes
Coin Star
Deficit Despot
Mayor of Miser-Town
Pecuniary Pedagogue
Speakeasy Spender
Master of the Fiscal Fandango
Piggybank Savant
Carte Blanche Banker
Inflationary Impresario
Captain Krugerrand
Cashanova
Monetary Misfit
Savings and Loanshark
Dashing Ducateer
Insipid Investor
The Count du Tirelire
The Byzantine Banker
Emcee of the Money Tree
Prodigal Profiteer
Trick or Treat Treasurer
Bohemian Banknote Bouncer
Vaudville’s Vault Vulture
Flophouse Fiscal Advisor
Acrimonious Accountant
Dearth Depositor
Amortization Artificer
Emphatic Embezzler
Fractious Financialmancer
Gimcrack Changebank
Keeper of the Seditious Sum
Revenue Raconteur
Bilious Broker Bandit
Auric SilverPrance
Cash and Burn
Cheshire Cashier
Gossamer GoldStacks
Belicose Banker
Irascible Interesteer
Sedulous Save-a-tron 8000
GorillaGrip MonkeyShaker
Tautological Tallier
Ducal Denominator
Revenue Rasputin
Sycophantic Saver
Myopic Moneymaker - I actually came up with this one
Autodidactic Auditor
Mimetic Moneyman - This one, too.
Cattywampus Accountant
Longshore Launderer
Misanthropic Mortgager
IR Embezzler
Emotionally Apathetic Auditor
Scholastic Skimmer
Professorial Profiteer
The Learned Larcener
Forbidding Financier
Coinage Commandant
Lewd Loanologist
Tourniquet Treasurer
Wanton Moneyphile
Pocketbook Pugilist
Nestegg Nosferatu
Vault-house Vivisector - The most unintentionally funniest one of them all! He meant vivisector, as in “to cut (a body) open while still alive”, not a gay, intellectual X-man.
Ribald Recompenser
Pittance Promulagtor
Investamander
Treasure-Ill Sicksums
Savernaut
Pied-Penny-Piper
G-Money Guerrilla
Tastyrate, Professional Loaner
Compoundatron
Poan Lawnbroker
The Truant Trez
Mayhaps Money-lapse
Leprechaun Loan-officer
Chairman of the Feral Reserve
The Investigator
Petulant Piggybanker
Bank-Chops Porterhouse
Fiscal Fillet a la Florentine
The Bouillonaire
Pawnbroker Paella
Trundel-Top Treasure Stop The Third

Because of the disastrous state of our economy, this list should help you insult a few brokers.

Nobody reads the preface to a list, so here are the reasons:

1. People treat you like the adult you are
I was 18 when I graduated high school, and despite having 18 years of experience, I still needed somebody’s signature to approve my bowel movements. You don’t have to deal with these petty issues in college. Professors expect you to act like adults, and you want to meet those expectations; you strive to meet those expectations. Professors (usually) show their students a healthy amount of respect, and the students naturally return that respect.

2. Other college students want to learn
With few exceptions, your peers behave themselves in class and pay attention to the professors. With the exceptions being those having college paid for them, everyone wants to get an education that they can put to good use. Everyone is paying a good bit of money to be where they are, and everyone wants to get their money’s worth. This is how college courses can have upwards of 100 students and the atmosphere is still civil. In high school, this would be nearly impossible without hand-picking smart, motivated students.

3. You study topics you are passionate about
Not counting a few prerequisite’s, people are in college to study their passions. Do you want to be a computer engineer? Not only can you take classes that teach you how to build a circuit board, but you can join an IEEE club full of students building circuit boards for fun. Do you want to be an English major? Not only can you take literature classes, but you can join book clubs with like-minded individuals who also won’t make as much money as computer engineers. In high school, you had to take PE to round out your schedule. In college, you can take paragliding. High school limited you to a bunch of boring classes you had to take, but college offers many exciting classes you get to take.

4. You create your own schedule
Do you want to take math in the morning or at night? Do you want to have a three-day weekend every weekend? Would you rather have all your classes in a few days or spread them throughout the week? Depending on when certain classes are available, it’s up to you to decide. Gone are the days where you have to go to class from 8am to 3pm. Your weekly schedule is yours to mold.

5. Your time belongs to you between classes
Similar to point four, once you set up your schedule, your free time is all yours. Nobody forces you to go to lunch at a certain time. The gaps in your schedule can be spent studying, doing homework, going to a professor’s office hours, eating, chatting with friends, playing Guitar Hero… it’s your choice. Just another example of how college treats you like an adult. You have the opportunity to be responsible and use your time wisely, or piss it away beating Free Bird on Expert.

6. Your classes use current textbooks
This one is bittersweet. On one hand, you have to pay hundreds of dollars per semester for books, but on the other hand, the books you use have updated, current information. In high school, you’d use the same books for a decade. In college, you have textbooks that reference Barack Obama’s candidacy, YouTube, MySpace, and the latest research in chemistry and genetics. No longer are you stuck reading textbooks with statistics only leading up to 1995.

Bonus Interesting Thing
Teachers teach. Professors profess. Just something interesting to think about when a professor doesn’t explain something very well…

I read the “Microwave” directions for Instant Lunch/Cup O Noodles, and it says to “boil water in a separate container, then add to noodles”. Nobody wants to do that, so those directions are bullshit. Here’s how you do it:

1. Peel back top of cup halfway, fill water to the line - I know this is actually two steps, but you’re smart.
2. Put paper towel under cup in microwave - The water might bubble out a little. Better safe than sorry. If it doesn’t make a mess, congratulations.
3. Microwave for THREE (3) MINUTES - That’s pretty important.
4. Peel lid completely off, stir -Two steps again, but bear with me. Stirring is important.
5. Put back in microwave for 45 seconds - Keeps the noodles from being too stiff.
6. Eat - Optional.

I was recently showing somebody the pure awesome that is Google Street View. I loaded Huntsville, AL, and clicked the Street View button. “You see all these blue-outlined streets? Just click any of them, and you can see what it looks like from the street.” I clicked a random spot on the map, and it just happened to be next to a house that got rolled.

Digg, if that’s your thing.

I tried posting this on Amazon, but it doesn’t tell you until AFTER you write a review that they won’t accept reviews written for products shipped by other companies. Waste not, want not:

I have a a 32″ HDTV, and I didn’t feel like paying monthly to watch TV. I saw this and figured $20 bucks wasn’t a bad deal to catch a few channels for free.

What this thing does is it uses a coaxial cable (included) to connect to your TV, and it can receive Standard Definition (regular TV) and High Definition (720p/1080i) signals in the air. The channels it should catch are things like NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, and PBS. That means you can watch shows like Jay Leno, LOST, House, your local news, etc. for free in Hi-Def.

Depending on how far away you live from the busy parts of your city affect how many channels you get and the clarity of said channels. You want to point it at a window, preferably toward the center of your city. Just mess with its positioning, and you’ll eventually get it. I’m happy to report that I get all the major networks in Hi-Def.

One thing that surprised me when I first opened the box was how BIG it was. I didn’t pay too much attention to the dimensions on the product, so I wasn’t expecting such a large box. The longest piece is 13″ long, so make sure you have room for it.

Overall, I’m really happy with it, and I recommend it to anyone who doesn’t want a million channels and has an HDTV.

UPDATE: Jeff pointed a couple things out. 1) This picks up digital signals only, which means you NEED an HDTV to display the hi-def signals, but the standard-def signals will still work. 2) I said point your antenna towards to center of your city, because that’s likely where all the signal hubbub is coming from, but you should use AntennaWeb.org to find out precisely where you should point it.

Thanks, Jeff.

How the intersection usually looks.

Typically, I approach the desolate intersection and turn left to get to the main road. But one atypical day, I had to sit at that stop sign for more than a full minute while I waited for a caravan of cars heading from right to left to hit the main road. I just happened to notice that most, if not all, of the drivers were senior citizens. I never ventured up that road before, so I had no idea what they were doing. Being the fuel-conscientious individual that I am, I didn’t bother driving up the road to find out, so I forgot about it.

Until now.

I was driving down the aforementioned main road when I actually read a sign I pass almost every day.

I figured it out.

Follow the Speed Limit
Remember when the national speed limit used to be 55mph because it was the most fuel-efficient speed for most cars? Me neither, but it was. Basically, driving faster costs more money. Think that those extra 5mph over the speed limit you usually drive doesn’t matter? It does. This site has good fuel-saving tips, and it also says, “As a rule of thumb, you can assume that each 5 mph you drive over 60 mph is like paying an additional $0.20 per gallon for gas.” Rationally, you’d only be arriving at your destination a minute or two earlier (depending on distance, of course). Is two minutes worth the extra money?

Constantly speeding/slowing down to pass people also uses more gas. Just sit in the right-hand lane and go the speed limit. Use cruise control if you have it. If there’s somebody slower in front of you, don’t be annoyed if you have to slow down; rationalize to yourself that you’re saving gas and money. You’d be surprised how many people are actually following speed limits these days!

Coast a Lot (More)
You’re driving, and you see a yellow light a little bit ahead of you. Lots of people just maintain their speed, then start braking pretty close to the now-red light. Why? You’re going to have to stop eventually anyway, and you won’t get anywhere faster if you race to the red light. Start coasting from further away than you usually would (pushing the clutch in and moving the stick to neutral will save you the trouble of keeping the clutch depressed if you drive a manual).

On a side note, I find it hilarious when people pass me as I coast to a red light. There’s just no rational explanation for that! It also wastes gas, so it’s a no-win situation.

Turn Off Your Car Instead of Idling
This one’s a little tricky. Apparently, if you’re going to be idling for more than 30 seconds (at a red light, in a drive thru, at a railroad crossing), it’ll save gas for you to turn your car off. The only problem with that is, it wears down your car’s starter and other internal components. To combat this, I only turn my car off when I approach a light that just turned red and I know it’ll take more than one minute for it to change green again. Around Huntsville, this is pretty much any major Memorial Parkway intersection. Drive-thrus, trains, banks, waiting for people, etc. all warrant turning your car off.

Also, as another minute way to save gas, I get completely settled in my car before I start it up. That means I take down my sun-shield, buckle-up, put on my glasses, and put my wallet on the dash (it’s uncomfortably bulky) before I actually turn the key. It’s one of those small gestures that compound over time.

That’s About It
Short of buying a motorcycle, hybrid, or bicycle, riding public transportation, walking, reducing driving frequency, and siphoning gas, these are the best ways to improve fuel efficiency. Next time you fill up, reset your trip meter and divide your total miles by the amount of gallons on your receipt from the next time you fill up. Hopefully that number will increase!

Me: So what do you do? What’s your job?
Him: I’m a radio DJ.
Me: Oh, no kidding?
Him: Yeah, I’m on 730AM from 6 to 9.
Me: Oh, that’s cool, what do you talk about?
Him: It’s a sports show, actually.
Me: That’s neat. So I just tune it at 7:30 and I’ll hear you talking?
Him: Yeah, you could, but it starts at 6.
Me: I don’t wake up that early, but you’ll be on 7:30 anyway, right?
Him: Yeah, 730AM.
Me: So do you have your own segment or something?
Him: No, I’m actually on the whole time.
Me: Then why are you telling me you’re on 7:30?
Him: Because I am on 730.
Me: I don’t get it, why does that matter?
Him: Well, it’d be really hard to listen to me without knowing that.
Me: But you’re on 6 to 9 anyway.
Him: Yes, I know, but I’m on 730AM.
Me: You just told me you’re on for the whole show.
Him: Yes, I am, but it’s on 730AM.
Me: Well, obviously, I understand how time works!
Him: You’re not getting it, are you?
Me: Yeah, I am… So what station are you on, anyway?
Him: 730AM The UMP.
Me: But what station is that?
Him: Matt… it’s an AM radio station. You tune your dial to 730.
Me: …Oh. It appears what we have here, is a failure to communicate.

Thanks to Jonathan for his patience.

Either way, I think it’s pretty cool how two high school students in the city of Huntsville, who don’t know each other, took a picture of Times Square at about the same angle, from the same side of the street, of similar objects, only a couple streets apart. Small world.

How can anybody who swirls ice cream like this ignore that talent?

I also noticed that when strumming the A chord, if you lift your finger off the D string (4th string), it creates a more “open” sound. You can slide between that position, Asus4, and D pretty naturally. Try it out!

Lately, I’ve wanted to teach somebody how to play. I have a friend with a guitar who doesn’t use it, and I thought it would be a great idea to teach her. The reason why is unexplainable; I just really wanted to teach her. Unfortunately, her schedule didn’t allow for it, and for some reason I felt irrationally disappointed. I’m not a psycho misogynist, so I couldn’t place my finger on why I was so downtrodden.

I was reading a post over at CodingHorror.com that explained exactly why I felt the way I did: Happiness is only real when shared. So instead, it turns out I’m just selfish. Fair enough.